What is Codependence?

My good feelings about who I am stem from being loved by you.
My good feelings about who I am stem from receiving approval from you.
Your struggle affects my serenity. My mental attention focuses on solving your problems or relieving your pain.
My mental attention is focused on pleasing you.
My mental attention is focused on protecting you.
My self-esteem is bolstered by relieving your pain.
My own hobbies and interest are put aside. My time is spent sharing your interests and hobbies.
Your clothing and personal appearance are dictated by my desires as I feel you are a reflection of me.
Your behavior is dictated by my desires as I feel you are a reflection of me.
I am not aware of how I feel. I am aware of how you feel.
I am not aware of what I want –I ask what you want. I am not aware – I assume.
The dreams I have for my future are linked to you.
My fear of rejection determines what I say or do.
My fear of your anger determines what I say or do.
I use giving as a way of feeling safe in our relationship.
My social circle diminishes as I involve myself with you.
I put my values aside in order to connect with you.
I value your opinion and way of doing things more than my own.
The quality of my life is in direct relation to the quality of yours.

Compliance Patterns

____ I (not we) declared I was in complete control of my addiction/compulsion, that my life was fine and dandy – thank you very much.

____ I feel guilty about others’ feelings and behaviors.

____ I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.

____ I am afraid of my anger, yet sometimes erupt in rage.

____ I worry how others may respond to my feelings, opinions, and behavior.

____ I have difficulty making decisions.

____ I am afraid of being hurt and/or rejected by others.

____ I minimize, alter, or deny how I truly feel.

____ I am very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same.

____ I am afraid to express differing opinions or feelings.

____ I value others’ opinions and feelings more than my own.

____ I put other people’s needs and desires before mine.

____ I am embarrassed to receive recognition and praise, or gifts.

____ I judge everything I think, say, or do harshly, as never “good enough”.

____ I am perfectionist.

____ I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.

____ I do not ask others to meet my needs or desires.

____ I do not perceive myself as a lovable and worthwhile person.

____ I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or others’ anger.